Senior Army Chaplain - Colorado Army National Guard

Do You Know Someone Who is Lonely?

A simple question. A powerful question. An uncomfortable question.

Reverend Karen Hutt, my clinical pastoral education educator during this current unit of CPE asked each member of my cohort to spend time asking strangers in a public place this simple question: “Do you know someone who is lonely?”

I’m an extrovert by nature and typically have no issue meeting new people or striking up conversations with people in a group setting. For some reason, this simple question seemed harder…more difficult to ask. Why? I think part of the reason is that loneliness is a deeply unsettled feeling we’ve all experienced in this life. We do all we can as humans to avoid this uncomfortable feeling. We escape loneliness through food, pleasure, work, social media, noise, busyness. In the still quiet hours of the morning, we often still have moments when we grapple with loneliness. We can’t seem to escape it.

I recall a season where I struggled deeply with loneliness. I took a summer job in college where I was selling books door to door for a company called Southwestern Company. It was 1997 and books still had a market before the widespread advent of smart phones. This company made a lot of money taking eager young people from college campuses around the country, pumping them up with motivational speeches at a week-long sales school in Nashville, Tennessee, and turning them loose by the thousands each summer to sell comprehensive homework manuals and children’s books. I had been lured by the promise of easy money and exotic trips for the those who could sell the most books. I failed miserably at this job. My sales territory took me to a small town in Alabama, far from my home in Wyoming. While the people of Alabama were kind…I knew no one, had no place to stay, no community, no church family, I was all alone. Thankfully, I had my personal faith in Jesus Christ to sustain me through those long difficult weeks. My faith sustained me during a very lonely season. In the end, I left the job and made the embarrassing long trip home to Wyoming to return to my job at a local grocery store. I learned a lot that summer.

So, with painful memories like this lonely summer in my mind I pushed myself to complete the assignment from Rev. Hutt. During a visit to a local hospital in the Denver, Colorado area to visit a friend I spent time in the lobby asking strangers the question: “Do you know someone who is lonely?” I was amazed by the response. People opened up in a deep and meaningful way by describing their own journey with loneliness. People described others they knew without community, without friends, without anyone to help them through life. One young lady, a staff member at the hospital, seemed so interested in my question that she asked if I would return the next day to engage more members of the team. I had struck a nerve. People were lonely. The final person I spoke with was so moved by a simple question of sincere compassion that she shared some of her sour gummy worms with me as some kind of simple – “I see you. I care about you” kind of human connection.

Is there a remedy to loneliness aside from total and complete connection with your creator? I don’t think so. In my loneliest moments it has been the gentle whisper of God reminding me that I’m not alone. That whisper has sustained me. But it hasn’t been enough. God’s guidance to me throughout my life has been simple: don’t walk this journey alone. We were made for community, family, friends, others. Fight for community…seek it out…find another lonely person and spread kindness and love. You’ll be amazed how many others struggle in silence and are just waiting for you!