Selfcare is a Prerequisite to Great Care

Selfcare is a Prerequisite to Great Care

I did not expect that the hardest person to care for as a Chaplain would be myself. It’s strange to me, how natural it felt to transition from a NCO to a Chaplain. To lean into someone else’s pain, to sit with them, to just be there with them at their lowest moments. I wanted to make that transition to be the Chaplain I wish that I had. To be able to focus my entire military profession on caring for the spiritual health of Soldiers. What I did not expect was how often I would carry someone else’s grief home with me or how long it would stick to me.

Years passed before I realized that I did not have the ability to say no as long as it was in the name of ministry or care. Staying late or showing up early every day. Skipping meals or workouts to go check on people. Spending my days off at the hospital or someone’s house when they are going through grief. In military organizations there is no shortage of hardship, and if you look hard enough you can find it everywhere. I used this as an excuse to overlook my needs as non-essential as long as my heart was in the right place. I am learning that my compassion is not limitless. I am learning that the quality of my care goes down when I am not caring for myself.

This passed month I’ve been forced to look at my own physical and mental health and acknowledge that I, too, am someone in need of care. That my exhaustion, scattered-brain thoughts, inability to sit still in a quiet place, or physical pain is not a weakness I have to learn to push through. They are a signal that I am rejecting my own care. It made me wonder, can I take on anything else? I felt like the answer was no, I was encroaching a crossroads of not being able to answer my calling, because I had neglected my own health.

Mark 2:27 says, “And he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” In my own faith tradition it is clear that I am to rest and that God is requiring this for my own benefits. I have started to take a step back, not neglecting ministry but during the slow times instead of always seeking more, I take a break. Do some deep breathing. Read some scripture. Take a walk without my phone, smart watch, or anything that could pull my attention. I am using some off days to catch up on some way overdue doctor appointments.

I am realizing selfcare is not an indulgence or luxury. It’s part of the responsibilities of a caregiver. A tired, empty, disconnected Chaplain cannot does not bring to the table the same thing that a grounded, rested, nourished one can. I’m still figuring this out. Sometimes I feel guilty. Leaving my phone for a 3 mile hike feels wrong still. What if someone calls in dire need? I do know I feel really good when I get back though. I do know praying during silent walks through the woods has brought me more peace then always working. I do think the quality of my care is improving the more rested I feel. My personal assessment after a month of addressing my selfcare head on, selfcare is a prerequisite to great care.